So here I am. Jumping in the deep end again. And it all feels so futile, again. I just eat eat eat and don't stop to think because if I think, I realise how far down the wrong path I've wandered...again. What will it take to make me change? I want to, I need to, I have to and yet I just carry on eating the wrong things, piling the weight on and hiding away or selling all the smaller clothes I once felt confident enough to buy.

Last time I was blogging in earnest, it was in preparation for a trip to Italy. I got to Italy, I fitted in the chairs on the plane and all went well. However, once that was achieved, I failed to put in place a new and solid goal. Now I have one - I move to Amsterdam on August 19. I want to shift at least a little bit of weight in the month before then. I can't do anything drastic in that time but maybe I can lose half a stone or so. In fact, yes, that will be my goal: I want to lose half a stone before I move to Amsterdam. I know that is achievable.

I don't particularly want to face up to the scales as I know I've regressed so much that I am probably the heaviest I've ever been now. Still, if I swallow my pride and go to the hospital tomorrow, maybe I can kickstart my journey again. If I blog again tomorrow, you know it went well...